Movie Stars Need Matchmakers

By Lewis Robinson

It may be the funniest line in a very funny movie: in the animated film Shrek, a donkey, voiced by Eddie Murphy, watches as a dragon gobbles up Lord Farquaad just after he marries Princess Fiona. Donkey brays, “Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?” It might have been a little ironic of Murphy to be asking that question. Even though he has only been married once, he has had children with five different women. If it seems to you that movie stars’ marriages do not endure, you are absolutely correct. Movie stars get divorced at twice the rate of average citizens. The movie star marriages that really surprise us are lasting relationships like Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks, married since 1988. Before that, we were amazed at Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, who were married 50 years. We were not so surprised at the stories of stars like Elizabeth Taylor or Mickey Rooney, each married eight times.

Why Do Movie Star Marriages Never Last?

Some cynical souls, truly imagining that there is no such thing as bad publicity, might suggest that movie star marriages break up to get attention. Of course, the typical star has better ways of drawing attention than enduring a bitter, expensive divorce—photographed by dozens of intrusive paparazzi. To understand one underlying dynamic, consider that most successful actors do a good job of selecting movies and making money from them while doing a miserable job of selecting mates. What is the difference? They have agents and managers to help choose their projects but not their spouses. Just as they need someone to tell them what script will work, stars need matchmaking services to tell them what relationship will work.

A Little Real-World Makes a Lot of Difference in a Relationship

Be honest. Have you not heard about a movie star getting engaged or eloping with another star and immediately saying to yourself, “That won't last.” You were not surprised three months or 12 months later when they split up. What you had was objectivity, insight and clarity, the sort of qualities that breathe hope and life into a relationship. Movie stars live in dream worlds where true love rushes in and the prince sweeps the princess off her feet so they live happily ever after. Only, they wake up in the real world, where relationships thrive with trust, honesty and clarity—not exactly the stuff of dreams.

What Goes into a Successful, Lasting Relationship?

Marriages and lasting relationships are in a very real sense living things. They thrive, they struggle, they endure and they grow. As with other living things, no one can say for sure how a relationship will last. There are some attributes that seem to be present in marriages that endure:

• The ability to say one is sorry. Apologies to the legendary line, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” but the reality is, love means being able to say that you were sorry and you were wrong.

• The ability to listen. When the argument is over, if you can demonstrate that you heard what was said, then both of you won the argument.

• The ability to build lasting, accepting trust. Trust in the face of imperfection is a true expression of love.

The Star is More Important Than the Movie

One of Hollywood’s most intriguing habits is remaking its autobiography in movies like A Star is Born. This picture, with essentially the same storyline, has been made four times (1937, 1954, 1976, 2018)—actually five times if you include Up Close and Personal, which should have been titled “A Journalist Is Born.” It is quite likely that many stars who fall in love with other stars see themselves embodied in this story of people whose lives briefly intersect, only to learn they are heading in opposite directions. With objectivity and honesty, these stars might be able to perceive the people they are with are more important than the dreams they are imagining.